Obnoxious
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: Mira's gone too far this time. And Laxus is gonna let her have it. Maybe. Err, maybe he'll just take his anger out on Bickslow and Lisanna. Yeah, probably the last one. Elfman's a good candidate too. - One-shot.


Obnoxious

"I just think that you could have said that in a better way. That's all I'm saying."

"Lisanna, that's not fair! My vocabulary isn't that big."

"It's big enough to say something other than what you did."

"Lissy-"

"No. You were rude."

"I wasn't rude. I was being descriptive!"

"Then learn to describe me in another way."

"I can't. You are that to me. That's, like, true deep down heart feelings."

"Then your heart is disgusting."

"Only for you."

For their entire conversation, Lisanna and Bickslow had been seated at the Thunder Legion's usual table in the guild hall. Accompanying them at the table was Freed, who sat there, disenchanted with the whole thing, and, of course, Laxus.

The longer the conversation went on, the deeper the crevice between the Thunder God's eyebrows grew.

"Yeah, well, I don't want it."

"Don't want what? My heart? How could you say that, Lissy?"

"Pretty easily when your heart makes you say things like that."

"Yeah, well-"

"I can't deal with this!" Suddenly, Laxus exploded as he slammed a fist down onto the table. "What the fuck is-"

"Oy, boss." Bickslow frowned at the man. "Me and Lissy were just-"

"Not you two idiots," he hissed as his eyes darted around.

"Then what, Laxus?" Freed glanced at him with a concerned look. "Who is that's bothering you?"

"It's the demon," he growled. "Lisanna, where is she?"

"How should I know?" the other woman complained. "What'd she even do that you're all of a sudden-"

"She," he roared as he looked around for the woman in question, "changed all my fucking music on my Sound Pod! Demon! Where are you?"

"Oh, no, yeah, our fight's suspended for the moment, Lissy," Bickslow said to which she nodded. "Your sister's screwed."

"Maybe," she said slowly. "But I think she might be able to take him."

"No, definitely not," he told her with a shake of his head. "She'll hold her own, fine, for a bit, but definitely not for long. There's no way that she can."

"Mira can change into anything. Including Laxus. And he's so self-centered that he'd never harm himself."

"Ah! Secret weapon. Good thinkin', Lissy."

"Thank you."

That time, when Laxus growled, they knew it was for them.

"Would you two dopes be quiet?" he growled before getting to his feet. "Mira! Where are you?"

"She's downstairs," he heard then as Kinana walked by, bringing a round of beers to another table. "In the bookroom."

"Doing what?" he asked with a frown.

"I dunno. She and Lucy went down there with Natsu and Happy for some reason. I think they're looking up something for a job."

"Well go get her! She-"

"Kinana doesn't take orders from you," Lisanna told him with a frown. "At all."

"Oy, Lissy, don't bother the boss when he's about to feed, yeah?" Bickslow rubbed at the back of his neck. "Or you might end up getting bit in the process."

Freed only sighed. "Laxus, perhaps you should just sit down and-"

"No. No. I sat there and let her redecorate my apartment. I sat there and let her pick out my clothes for me every day."

"Wait what?" Lisanna and Bickslow both snickered.

"I sat there and let her use my money to buy whatever she wants. But I will not sit idly by when she changes my fucking music! Demon! Get up here!"

"You know," Bickslow said slowly, looking the man up and down then. "Now that he said that, I see it."

"I know, right?" Lisanna giggled. "He dresses way better now. I didn't know it was Mira's doing."

"It makes sense though."

"It does, doesn't it?"

"Laxus, you are embarrassing yourself in front of other people in the guild," Freed said, glancing around at the others. "Honest, just sit down. I will go get Mirajane, if that's what you want."

With a deep snarl, he took his seat once more. "It is."

"Alright then. I will be back, okay?"

As he rushed off, Bickslow and Lisanna just spared Laxus another glance before looking at one another again. They had a minute or two to waste, anyhow, until Mirajane showed up.

"I still think you could have said something different than what you did."

"Lisanna, I'm telling you, flat out, those were the most true words that came to my heart then. What more could you want?"

"Uh, gee, Bicks, not to be called _that_?"

"Well, I'm sorry, alright? That my heart just works on a different wave length than yours-"

"Your head must work on different one if you thought that was okay!"

Finally through, Laxus ripped his spiked headphones from his ears before tossing them down on the table, scaring both Lisanna and Bickslow who just stared at him in shock.

"What," he hissed at the two of them, "did he call you?"

"C-Come again? Boss?"

"What," he repeated, "did you call her? Huh? That you two dopes are sitting here arguing over it when my entire day has just been shot? Huh?"

Lisanna frowned. "You're being a tad dramatic here, aren't you, Laxus?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your entire day? Really? I mean, it's just music, right?"

Bickslow gulped. "Uh, Lissy? What did I say about not getting bit by the boss?"

"He's not going to bite me. He-"

"Right now, your sister means nothing to him. _Nothing_. You're not safe anymore. Back away slowly and then-"

"I hate you guys," Laxus told them through gritted teeth. "So much."

"Words hurt, boss."

"Yeah, Laxus. I thought you were gonna be my big brother?"

"Hey!" they heard then, from across the hall. "You already have a big brother! And he's way more manly than that one!"

"Elf, this is important Thunder Legion business," Lisanna retorted with a slight wave. "So-"

"And why," they heard then from the table he was at, though it wasn't coming from him. Oh, no. Not at all. "Would that involve you, little girl?"

"Because, Ever," Bickslow said as he stuck his tongue out at her, "Lissy's an honorary member now. Get over it."

"There is no such thing as-"

"There is now! We voted."

"We did not!"

"You weren't there. You would have been outvoted anyhow."

"No. There's no way that Freed would have gone for this. He-"

"Yes," the seith insisted as he stood then, to glare over at the table the woman was sitting with her boyfriend at. Elfman was just glaring at Laxus who, honestly, was wishing he'd never started the whole thing to begin with. "He did. So did Laxus."

"What?"

The slayer only groaned before, not turning around to glance at Ever, he told her, "You weren't there, but the demon was. And Lisanna was so excited and, well, Mira made me. So yes, Lisanna is technically part of the Thunder God Tribe."

"He doesn't even get a vote," Elfman insisted. "He's not a part of it. You three are and happen to protect him, but-"

"I am not in the mood for more Strauss shit, Elfboy," Laxus growled at him. "Ever! Get your fool in check and quickly."

"Of course, Laxus," she said before getting up and rushing over. "Bickslow-"

"Not that fool! The other one!" Laxus huffed. "And Lisanna, just tell me. What did he call you?"

"He introduced me to some of his non guild friends as-"

"Now mind you, boss, this came from my heart-"

"-his fucking friend."

Laxus only blinked as Bickslow grinned real wide.

"What a word, huh?" The seith frowned as Ever hit him in his head. "Hey! He said I wasn't the fool to deal with!"

"Oh dear," they heard then as, finally, Mirajane showed up at the table, Freed in tow.

"Demon." Laxus was finished with them then. "You-"

"Why would you ever call her that?" Mirajane, however, wasn't. "Bickslow?"

"Uh, what else do you call the person that you sleep with and let pretend to be the mother of your lost souls? Huh? Other than your fucking friend?"

"You could have tried girlfriend," Ever offered with a frown.

He sat back at that, as if in thought. Then he grinned.

"You were right, Lissy! There was another word for it!"

"Told you."

Laxus just growled some more. "We don't have time for this! Mirajane, why did you-"

"Why would you ever say that to begin with?" Freed sighed as he took his seat once more. "I mean, honestly, you-"

"It's not a bad thing," Bickslow insisted. "It's just some words. And I use them all the time. Like with Laxus."

The slayer leveled his gaze away from Mira and onto the seith. "What?"

"Sure, boss," he said with a nod. "You know, because you're my fucking friend. The best fucking friend-"

"I can't deal with you people today," the man said. "I really-"

"We're all fucking friends," he said. "Depending on what you consider fucking to mean. Like Ever. She's my fucking teammate. This is my fucking guild. You're all my fucking friends! Huh? Huh? Pretty nifty word usage there, eh? Fucking friend? It can mean two things! Ha! I win."

"Freed?"

"Yes, Laxus?"

"Gag him from now on."

"Of course, Laxus."

The seith only crossed his arms. "This is what creativity gets ya in this world. Take notes, Lissy. No respect. None at all."

Now finally done with them, Mirajane looked to her boyfriend. "You wanted me, Laxus?"

Oh yeah. Shifting his attention once more to her, he said, "What the hell did you think you were doing? Huh? Mira? Changing my fucking music-"

"Behave."

"No! You-"

"Laxus."

"No, Mira, you-"

"I said to behave."

They had their own glaring match then and, in that time, Ever ran back over to Elfman for protection, Freed gave them worried glances back and forth, and, well, Lisanna and Bickslow just got back to the topic at hand.

"It's still not a nice thing to say."

"Lissy, I'm sorry."

"No, you're not. You embarrassed me just to make a joke."

"Yeah, but it was a funny one!"

"Bickslow."

Grumbling then, he said, "I'm sorry. I was bad. I know that. I shouldn't say stuff like that."

"It's rude."

"I know."

"And disrespectful."

"Sorry, Lissy."

"I mean, how could you even-"

"Lisanna!" Laxus didn't even look at her. "He's apologized. You knew he was an idiot when you started dating him. Get over it. And get out of here. Both of you. Before I shoot down your damn babies, Bickslow!"

Freed frowned. "Speaking of them, Bickslow-"

"Yeah?"

"Where are they?"

Then he and Lisanna both stared at one another before jumping up.

"Oh no," she said as he grabbed her arm and they ran off. "We left them! Bickslow, how could you do that?"

"Me? You're the one that told them we were playing hide-and-seek!"

"Because we were! Then you called me that name and we fought and came back here to drink and fight more-"

"Yeah, but you're still the one that had them hide-"

"You're, like, the worst father ever."

"Oh, like you're winning mother of the year any time soon!"

"Wow," Mira remarked as she stared after them. "Lisanna's able to make Bickslow forget about his babies? That's-"

"Demon, look at me." Laxus was still glaring at her. "Why did you change my music? Where do you get off even thinking that you should be able to? Huh?"

"Well…which do I answer first?"

"Mirajane-"

"Okay, well, the first one is because I love you, Laxus."

He blinked. "Come again?"

"You're always so grouchy and moody and stuff," she told him with a smile. "And I've been slowly cracking away at what it is that makes you that way."

"You've what?" Freed stood that time, reaching for his sword. "Experimenting on a god like Laxus is not allowed! You must pay for-"

" _Sit_ ," Laxus growled at him. Then, to Mira, he said, "Speak."

"It's really not that complicated," she told him. "I just tried changing your diet, curbing your drinking, and even making you train less. Then, when that didn't work, I changed your diet again, let you drink more, sent you out training more. Nothing. Then I did it."

"Did what?"

"I started playing you songs on my guitar before you went to bed. It's so cute, Lax. You're just like a little kid. It makes you fall asleep easier and, in the morning, you wake up in a better mood." She tapped her head. "So I deduced that if playing you nice, simple songs could calm you down at night, then maybe it was that music in your headphones that made you all grumpy all day."

"I'm not grumpy all day."

"You are too."

"Mirajane-"

"I'm just trying to help you, dragon."

"So you messed with something that you know is special to me without my permission? Huh? You thought that that was helping me?"

"Well, that's the second question right?" Mirajane asked. "Where I get off? Isn't that what you asked? It's simple, Lax. I did it because I know that you love me. And that fine, you'd be mad at first, but you'd get over it. Now sit there and listen to the music, okay? And tell me if it doesn't make you feel all calm and-"

"It doesn't! It makes me pissed off!"

"Dragon," she warned, wagging a finger at him. "You're going to sit here and behave. I mean it."

"No, Mira. You always do this. You try and mess with my life and-"

"Do you love me?"

"Demon-"

"Then be quiet and just listen to the music I picked out for you. It really will do wonders for your mood. I promise." Then, Freed could only watch as the woman came closer, going to pick back up his discarded headphones and attach them once more to his ears. "There. I'll bring you a beer, okay? Dragon?"

"I don't like this."

Still, she only patted him on the head. "I have to go finish up with Lucy and Natsu. Are you going to be okay for a little bit? Dragon?"

"I-"

"Of course you are," she giggled. "Now that you have this music, you're going to be good as new, aren't you? Huh, Lax? You're not going to snap at people anymore and you're not going to sit around with that grumpy look on your face. You're gonna be a great person to be around now. You're welcome, Freed."

The letter mage only glanced at Laxus, to see if finally he'd be allowed to pay Mira back for what she'd done. The man only stared at his girlfriend though.

"Can we at least," the slayer asked slowly, "pick the music together?"

"L-Laxus," Freed started. "You-"

"Sure, dragon," she said with a wink. "We'll go over all the music I know tonight, huh? And find some that you like and will help you lose some of your brooding problems, huh?"

"Fine," he sighed as she leaned down to press a kiss to his head before turning to walk away. "I'm getting a say though."

"Of course, dragon."

As Mirajane headed off, Freed only looked to his idol.

"Laxus-"

"Don't," he grumbled as he moved to rest his head on the table, "say anything."

"B-But-"

"Freed, I'm warnin' ya. Go sit with Ever if you're gonna talk."

"I just want to know-"

"I can't explain it to you," the slayer sighed, "if you don't understand already."

With a sigh, the letter mage relaxed, if only slightly. "It is as you say then, Laxus. I will speak no more."

The Dragon Slayer only took to watching the bar, waiting for his demon to come back. Maybe he could convince her of some bands that he liked that didn't enable his apparent grumpiness.

"Don't know what's more obnoxious," he sighed as he waited. "Bickslow and Lisanna or the demon and her bossiness."

"Hey! Laxus!" Suddenly, the table jumped as Elfman Strauss slammed his fists down on it. "We're not finished arguing! I'm Lisanna's brother! Not you! Real men don't try to steal other men's sisters. I let you have big sis, 'cause she was so insistent, but you're not getting Lisanna too! I won't let you!"

Oh, right. Laxus only sighed as he lifted his head, watching as Ever came over to control her boyfriend.

It was Elfman, of course, who was the most annoying. Always. There wasn't even a competition. The worst part was, the demon had put him off limits when it came to Laxus reining him in. Apparently, beating up her stupid little brother wasn't allowed. That only left one option.

"Freed?"

"Yes, Laxus?"

"Gag him from now on too."

"Of course, Laxus."


End file.
